


don't you leave i'll break

by justaduelist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Comfort, Fluff, Freeform-ish, Hogwarts Era, Love, M/M, a lot of panic attacks, a lot of short almost poems, also focusing on sirius's fucked up childhood, drabble-ish, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-03-15 14:31:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13615353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justaduelist/pseuds/justaduelist
Summary: in one way or another, sirius black and remus lupin always loved each other.





	1. how poetic

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: panic attack

when remus first experienced one of sirius's panic attacks he didn't know what to do. he never was good with children his age, as he was never actually able to go out and play or to attend public school. but somehow, he managed to calm his new friend down, hugging him tight and murmuring comforting words he can't remember anymore. sirius had never talked about his relatives much in the short time they knew each other, but it wasn't a secret that his family was all about being prestige and pureblood. it still came to a surprise to remus when sirius got another one of those vicious letters his mother send him and he started shivering. 

sirius never saw himself as someone to panic easily, but putting another angry letter from his parents on the pile he already stored in his bedside drawer; it just topped it all off and he (finally) cracked. he didn't realize that remus followed him until he felt his arms around him and oh did sirius cling to the taller boy, sobbing until there were no tears left to be shed. 

he fell asleep on the other boy's chest that night, the first time in his life being able to take comfort in the touch of another human being.


	2. a boy so lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: panic attack

sirius's second panic attack happened three days before the beginning of the christmas holidays.   
this time, there was no remus to notice.   
this time, sirius was alone, hyperventilating in a bathroom stall. 

when james found him, three hours later, sirius was pale and freezing.   
he didn't talk, but sirius never does.   
when james got him back to the dorm, remus and peter were already waiting, worry showing on their faces. they didn't ask about what happened to sirius or why he was hiding, they didn't need to. 

only hours later when everyone went to sleep remus got out of his bed and silently crawled into sirius's, putting his head on the boy's torso, hearing his heart beating in a constant rythm.

"everything will be okay"


	3. did it hurt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: mention of child abuse

remus always looked ruff in a certain way, but when sirius first saw his bare back he wanted to punch something. all he saw were scars and claw marks!, some fresh, some might be years old, one still bandaged.  
he felt this strong, overwhelming urge to hurt someone, to scar them worse than they did his friend. he himself probably deserved all those punches he got, but remus, oh sweet remus! worth so much. how could one hurt him?

sirius might seem blunt but he knew when not to ask. remus never asked about his family so he won't either. it pulled at his soul, but what could he do. with a mouth like his, every word is a weapon ready to stab. 

instead of throwing a punch, sirius crawled up to remus and hoped he could at least make the present worthwhile, somehow.

when did this become a habit?, he asked himself

but they were kids and it was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really trying not to hurt them too much, but ah. next chapter is going to be more fluffy.


	4. this boy, he should own the world

sirius was crying. not weeping, but sobbing soft and silently. like you would expect a princess to cry.  
and sirius black, in a way, indeed was a princess. 

king's don't cry, he thought.   
but sirius never was a king, couldn't be, shouldn't be

in a way, remus lupin could feel sirius's pain. he could see it in his gazes, his laughs and sometimes, when the night was long, he could also hear it.   
when there was one thing remus couldn't take; it was the tears of his friend, the tears of this boy that should own the world.

so when sirius lays his head in remus's lap, the werewolf never comments on the open show of affection.


	5. oh so lovely

remus was sharp around the edges, but also smooth in other places. he was soft where you wouldn't expect and then he was delicate in gentle spots and sometimes his scars where soft and sometimes they were sharp, oh so sharp sirius almost cut himself.   
but lying beneath those fairy lights with remus' heart beating, pounding in a peaceful rhythm, right next to his ear, oh this might just be perfect. sirius was pretty sure beauty must lie somewhere around those edges, somewhere around those scars.   
when he looks at the other boy all he sees is lovely skin and lovely eyes and lovely lips and lovely everything.   
it's weird, sirius thinks, how this boy could mean so much.  
it's weird, sirius thinks, how he's just so different.   
it's weird, sirius thinks, that i just can't name it.  
so remus is sharp but also smooth and maybe just everything sirius needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh im sappy


	6. please don't bleed on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: self hatred stuff, scars

i take your hand while you hurt yourself with words,  
but it's not you who's shaking.  
i look at you and you stare back  
your eyes, never quite reaching mine.  
i don't see the scars beneath your clothes but i know they're there,  
i know you're hurting,  
i know you're breaking,  
i know you're dying.  
you're lovely but you won't see  
im by your side but you make me fear,  
just what it means to clean out your wounds.


End file.
